Top 5 signs you are in a toxic relationship – and why you need to end it now!
The idea of a relationship is to create a sense of completion in yourself through bonding with other people. This is both a physiological and emotionally driven effort with the ultimate goal of survival. While this is all great, we need to talk about those relationships that overwhelmingly toxic and hinder your quality of life.
Here are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship and why you need to cut losses now!
1. Overcommitted Under Accomplished.
There is no clear timeline or service manual people can go by for building a strong relationship, but there are visible signs that you are putting yourself in a toxic environment. Especially, if your level of emotional commitment is outpacing the levels of trust. Looking at relationships from a far, these types of relationships can be a rush like a rollercoaster ride. It will feel good, but if you do not get enough time to establish the necessary trust in the various facets of your relationship, you are writing the first chapter in the (hopefully) short story that is your toxic relationship. If you are sensing this at this point, either pump the breaks or jump ship altogether.
2. Questions or Interrogations?
To go hand in hand with developing trust you have to get to know someone, right? So it makes sense that if you are going to actively add a new person to your life that there will be questions passed back and forth between you and this new special person, right? Well if the conversation seems less like a Wimbledon game of back and forth, tit for tat, and more of just being a one direction pinata assault with “question”, that should raise a red flag. Asking and talking are trust-building communication. A one-sided line of questioning is cause for concern that you, in the relationship, are not being forthcome enough or there is a huge trust issue from the other party. This is a case by case problem, but if you are reading this and can genuinely say to yourself, “ I am not hiding anything” and mean it, then you are probably in a toxic relationship building on a poor trust foundation.
Most of the problems within relationships is based on miscommunication. I implore you to read our article, What do women really want from a man? to understand the opposite sex a little better.
3. Using Openness to Hide The REAL Problem.
Trust, it’s something to be harped on when discussing a relationship. It is an abstract concept and with as many words I can use to define it, everyone experiences trust a little differently. It’s the bedrock to any long-term relationship and will be the main ingredient to growing a strong and healthy one.
While trust is important, some will use the façade of trust to hide other major issues. This could lead to a toxic relationship if this can not be squashed. This false wall of openness often looks and sounds like deep personal details that are rather hard to talk about ( in most typical cases). This can range from stories about abuse to other issues with family. Yea, it’s typically one of the big lifetime story-level issues that are used. Now in all fairness, these are not lies, as most people do do tell the truth.
To spot these types of defense truths, notice if she plays to your emotional reasoning as opposed to your logical reasoning. Another tell is how often these “ reasonings” are used to defend or explain questionable behaviors. People are not project-cars, you can’t just buy into a problem riddled relationship and fix your way out of it. If they are not genuinely interested in acknowledging their toxic behaviors and work on themselves, then cut your losses.
For more on this, please read the following Quora thread.
4. Conflict Without a Resolution
While the first chapter of a relationship is butterflies and clapping cheeks, the rest of the story is filled with various conflicts that the main characters must overcome. Like any Anime that targets the youth to buy merchandise, the story model is always the same. A component of togetherness (family, friendship, etc.) is cultivated throughout the story and used to overcome the external obstacle or main bad guy. The evil plan never accounts for the combined efforts of individuals.
This united power is what you build in the primary chapters of a relationship. These chapters are going to have power struggles and strife. To overcome these challenges compromise on both sides is needed. This “Togetherness Power” is not unlocked overnight. It comes from the test of everyday relationship challenges. The toxicity comes in when you find yourself (perceived or actual) making the majority of the compromises. This can range from time with friends and family to select activities and dining choices. While this may be comfortable for you at the start, it will fester and turn into a grudge. If you can’t bring yourself to get leeway or give pushback, then you are becoming the author of your own toxic relationship. The same is true if you are unable to generate this balance from your partner. If you can’t seem to talk this through, it would save you to get out immediately.
5. Your life pre-relationship is gone.
Every relationship is about building togetherness and that takes time, interest, and effort away from other aspects of your life. Hobbies may take a back seat. Your friends and family will see less of you. This is pretty typical to happen in the first stages of a relationship. Eventually ( and hopefully) you reintroduce these things back into your life and make your partner a part of them. With family and friends, you may see some differences of opinion from both sides ( partner and family/ friends). Take the input with a grain of salt.
When you know you are the cesspool of a toxic relationship is when an uncomfortable amount of time away from friends and family is occurring. This goes back to compromise, but this matter deserves its own coverage. A big red flag should be slapping you in the face if your partner is pulling you away from other healthy relationships in your life. The keyword is “healthy”. You will have to be the master of this arena and discern for yourself what relationships are and are not healthy outside of your love interest.
I implore you to really examine every relationship in your life and see if they are one-way or toxic by any stretch of the imagination. From there, you can work on how to repair the relationship or to exit the relationship as such.
