5 Ways to Deal With Dating Rejection
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt” -Liam Neeson
Dating and rejection go hand-in-hand, like a night out on the town and waking up hungover the next day, you know the risks but you do it anyway. It’s worth it. Knowing this fact alone won’t help you through the inevitable rejection, but here are 5 tips to keep in mind when that inevitability rears its ugly head.
1. It’s not your fault
For a lot of us, when things don’t work out with someone, we tend to first blame ourselves. When we do this, it not only hinders our perceived self-worth, but also creates an issue where there may not actually be one. Just by looking at the probability of the situation, there’s about a 50% chance that it was an issue with the other person rather than ourselves. Yet I, like many others, have fallen victim to the ruminating thoughts of “What could I have done differently?” or “Where did I go wrong?”, when the reality of the situation is that you likely had no effect on the other person’s change of heart. There are so many external factors that can go into a dating relationship not working out, that it is foolish to assume that it was a direct effect of something you said or did
2. Think About Your Needs
Every time you date someone and it doesn’t work out, you get that much closer to finding what it is you really want out of a partner. Of course it’s painful when it doesn’t work out, especially when you weren’t the one to initiate the break up, but you can use this pain to your advantage. No one is perfect, so use this time to identify which qualities you want in a potential partner, and to understand which behaviors and actions you will and will not put up with, and why.
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3. Don’t Get Attached to Your Expectations
I’m going to get philosophical on you for a second and say, there is no tomorrow or yesterday, there is only now. This moment is all that has ever existed or will exist. You know it’s real because it’s happening. Knowing this fact will not only improve your dating experience but your life as a whole.
Many Eastern religions preach non-attachment, not being attached to things of this world, as it is constantly changing. The same goes for your dating relationships, let go of your attachment to your ideal scenario. Accept it for what it is, don’t try to make it something it’s not. When you become attached to a desired outcome you’re writing a story in your head that doesn’t exist. Let go of your perceived control, because there will always be some elements that are out of our control. Just be yourself, put your best foot forward and enjoy the process without becoming attached to a predetermined outcome.
Check out this spiritual article that speaks to a greater detail about the concept of non-attachment.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel
Being rejected is hard. You will feel some type of way about it when it happens, and that is completely normal. What isn’t normal is pushing down those feelings and pretending they aren’t there. This will create an imbalance in your emotional state, and you could start behaving differently without a clear reason as to why. Your body has pain receptors to signal to your brain when something needs to change, or you risk serious bodily harm, why would the mind be any different?
The answer is, it’s not. You feel emotional pain to signal that a change needs to be made. Whether it’s a change in your behavior, or a change in what you’re putting your attention into, I can’t say, but if you reflect on your situation the answer will reveal itself. Pain, physical or emotional, is an indication. Use this pain to your advantage and let it make you a stronger and smarter man.
5. Practice Self-Love
A wise man once said, “You can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first”, and it holds true to this day. If you can’t make yourself happy, how can you expect to make anyone else happy? Take some time for yourself, make sure all of your needs are met before taking on the needs of another person. Simple steps toward achieving this goal include, but are not limited to:
- Practicing being grateful in your daily life. Enjoying the things you have instead of lusting for the things you don’t.
- Eating right. If you consume food and drink that nourishes and energizes you, your body and mind will surely thank you.
- Stop comparing. Comparison is the thief of joy, and although their life may look amazing on Instagram, you don’t see the long nights and hard work that goes on behind the scenes. Don’t get jealous, get better.
- Begin to love and embrace the things that make you different. You are 100% unique, there is no one exactly like you. Once you realize this, you start to see the beauty in the contrast.
Too often people will get into, and stay in, relationships that aren’t based off of love. These relationships hinge on the brain chemicals being released when the two people are together. One, or both, of the people in this type of relationship don’t actually love the other person, what they love is the way that other person makes them feel. They don’t get this sort of attention or admiration anywhere else in their lives, so they become dependent on the emotional release rather than getting closer to the other person they are in this romantic relationship with and, lets just say, it’s a recipe for disaster.
In the game of love, being rejected is a huge part of it. Heck, if you’re a baseball player and you get a hit ¼ of the time you are an All-Star. No one shoots 100% from the free throw line, but as Michael Jordan once said “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.
